


Bite Me

by Januarium



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Competitive Patrick Brewer, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Marking, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Januarium/pseuds/Januarium
Summary: Roland ignores him and wonders over to paw at the rack of cat fur scarves. “I’ve heard how it goes for people, after that first year of marriage. Never happened to me and Jocelyn, of course, but not everyone has the same fire as us.”“Pardon?” Patrick pinches himself just to check this isn’t a terrible dream.Roland walks up and pats him on the arm. “Hey, there’s no harm in admitting you might need to spice things up in the bedroom.”
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 26
Kudos: 164





	Bite Me

**Author's Note:**

> I keep forgetting to post this, but hey, their wedding day seems a good day to post this Extremely Married nonsense.
> 
> (Also, as a married ace person, I just want to say that everyone in this is acting dumb, and you should never judge someone's relationship by the amount of sex you perceive them to have! I hope and assume you all know this, but sometimes it's still good to say it)

Patrick is pacing the store floor after closing when Roland knocks on the glass. Patrick’s _really_ not in the mood to deal with him right now, but it might actually be better than the mess of paperwork he’s currently avoiding. Besides which, Roland is not only the town mayor, but the business partner of both Patrick’s best friend _and_ his father-in-law, so avoiding him is never especially effective. Times like these he regrets David and him trying to establish a no-work-at-the-house rule, but they realised they were both getting burned out by a lack of boundaries between their work life and their home life. 

“Burning the midnight oil, eh, Patty?” Roland says, picking up and moving the beard oils they had carefully set up ready for the next day.

Patrick grits his teeth. “Thought we decided we weren’t gonna be doing Patty.”

Roland ignores him and wonders over to paw at the rack of cat fur scarves. “I’ve heard how it goes for people, after that first year of marriage. Never happened to me and Jocelyn, of course, but not everyone has the same fire as us.”

“Pardon?” Patrick pinches himself just to check this isn’t a terrible dream.

Roland walks up and pats him on the arm. “Hey, there’s no harm in admitting you might need to spice things up in the bedroom.”

Patrick blinks. It takes all of his Canadian manners to say, “What exactly have you that impression?” and not something he’d need to take back.

Roland laughs like it’s obvious and gestures— “Well, you’re staying here late and David’s nowhere to be seen.” With his head tilted in exaggerated sympathy he adds, “It’s okay if you need to ask me for some tips, champ. We’re basically family!”

Patrick allows himself a minute to indulge in a sweet fantasy of banning Roland from the store for life, before he uses his most measured voice to say, “While I appreciate your concern, we’re good. I was actually hoping to get home soon, though?” In that moment, Patrick really wishes he wore a watch, so he could look at it pointedly, but as he doesn’t he just nods towards the door.

Roland laughs knowingly—which is disgusting—but holds up his hands. “Alright, alright, I’m heading out!”

Once Roland’s gone, Patrick sets all the parts of the store he’d messed up to rights, and decides the work he has to deal with can sit for the rest of the night. He listens to a podcast on his drive home, and lets the soothing voice telling him about the history of the design of the toothbrush distract him from what Roland had said.

When he gets home David’s doing on something on his laptop in the living room, so greets him briefly with the information there’s leftovers in the fridge, and he’s already eaten. Patrick microwaves his leftovers, but can’t help thinking about what Roland had said, his words worming their way into Patrick’s head.

Patrick makes himself clean the kitchen, before he can’t stop himself any longer and heads to the living room. Before he can even think about what he’s doing, he takes David’s laptop, sets it on the coffee table, straddles David’s lap, and kisses him intensely. David makes a surprised noise, but quickly gets on board, getting one hand on Patrick’s neck and using the other on his lower back to pull him in closer.

Patrick sinks into the kiss with a sense of smug satisfaction, before moving down to David’s neck and biting, not even thinking about what he’s doing until David says—

“Woah, hey there, what got into you?”

Patrick comes back to awareness and almost jumps, jerking back from David. The only reason he doesn’t move back so far he lands on his ass is because of David’s arm still tight around him lower back.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, David,” he says, wiping a hand over his face. He can see the beginning of a mark on David’s neck and he winces, isn’t he too old to be too old to be leaving visible hickies on his husband? “Roland just got way in my head tonight.”

David blinks an alarming number of times. “You were biting my neck and thinking of _Roland_?”

“Oh god no!” Patrick hides his face in both hands for a second at how badly he’s letting this mess him up, but forces himself to make eye contact before continuing. “No, he just came into the store talking about how the spark has clearly gone out of our relationship—or something—just because I was working late without you. I think some part of me wanted something to prove that isn’t the case.” He nods to David’s neck.

“He said _what_?” David sounds furious, hands tightening on Patrick in a way that reminds him he’s still very much straddling his husband’s lap.

Patrick shakes his head. “It was just some nonsense about how _he’s_ never had to deal with it, but there’s ‘no shame admitting you need to spice things up in the bedroom’. You know how competitive I get, but that was totally stupid energy to bring home with me.”

David’s eyes are still blazing. “I’ll fucking show him spice,” he says before forcefully pulling Patrick right against him and setting his teeth into Patrick’s neck.

Patrick groans loudly as David bites and sucks at the sensitive skin there. He fucking loves when David does this, but they’re usually so careful to avoid any visible marks.

David breaks off, eyes still wild and says, “You on board with this?”

“ _Fuck_ yes,” Patrick says, crashing into David’s mouth and grinding on him, before moving back to the half-mark he’d started before.

***

The next day, Patrick is waiting for their lunch order at the cafe when he hears a low whistles coming from behind him. He turns around to see Roland Schitt looking pointedly at the large (and okay, possibly over-the-top) hickey very clearly visible on Patrick’s neck. 

Patrick is maybe feeling a little smug, might even puff out his chest a little. No way he’s going to hide this proof that his marriage is _plenty_ spicy, thank you very much. So spicy, in fact, that he’d probably best not think about the whole thing too much in public.

“Looks like you had a good night there, Patty-boy,” Roland says, leering.

Patrick shrugs, doing his best to look casual. “Sure, you could say that.”

“You’re welcome,” Roland says, and even worse, he follows it up with an exaggerated wink. “I told you you had it in you, you just needed to get out of that slump.”

As if it couldn’t get worse, at that moment Patrick hears the distinctive sound of Ronnie’s laugh and realises she’s watched the whole exchange. It’s a sign of his growth as a person that he doesn’t immediately launch into an explanation of exactly how wrong Roland is. Luckily, Twyla appears with a bag of _almost_ what they ordered. He barely remembers to thank her for it before power-walking across the street to their store.

When he tells David what happens, he’s expecting the same annoyance they’d shared last night, but instead he looks thoughtful.

“What?” Patrick has to ask.

“It’s just…” The dimple appears at the corner of David’s mouth. “Maybe we should thank him.”

“ _What?_ ”

David shrugs, but his grin is now reaching full force. “I mean, if his aim was to get us to have some super hot sex… It worked.”

Patrick chooses to eat his lunch alone in the back room, but he can still hear David laughing when he bites into his sandwich.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also on [tumblr](http://januarium.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
